Gives You Hell

After re-reading “Love Drunk” I feel I need to clear something up.

At the beginning, I felt like it was all my fault. Maybe you should look in a mirror. You turned into a border lined wife beater. I sat here writing 3 longs how I felt like it was all my fault. Not I can see it all in black and white, I sit here pining over my regret. When in actual fact, my guilt is all I feel for you now. I sit my arse in bad relationships feeling like I have to as punishment for what I did to you. When in actual fact, the first time I actually properly did something for myself in our relationship was LEAVING YOU.

I fucking loved you, more than I loved anyone in the whole world. Then you have the cheak to call me every name under the sun when I break up with you. Grow the fuck up dude! Take the advice you tried to give me; stop sulking, the world does not evolve around you.
You know, at first at cons, I would avoid you becasue just seeing you would make me want to cry. The last time I saw you, I apologised to you for everything. Then you started showing off. What are you? A spoiled brat? Don’t get me wrong, to me you where amazingly attractive, now you are ugly as sin, your personality is ugly.
God I hope your poor girlfriend doesn’t go through the shit you put me through. I went from being happy, hyper, flirty smurf, to obedient, shy, recluse, and scared. I do not think you realise how petrified I was of you?
I had people telling me to leave you because they could see what you where doing to me. It has been nearly 5 years since we broke up. I AM FINALLY OVER YOU!

Now, to add some lyrics;
– Now you’ll never see, what you’ve done to me, you can take back your memories, they’re no good to me. Here’s all your lies, you can look me in the eyes, with the sad sad look that you wear so well.
– I won’t miss, all of the fighting that we always did, take it in, I mean what I say, when I say there is nothing left.
– I used to bite my tounge and hold my breath, scared to rock the boat and make a mess, so I sat quietly, agree politely, I guess that I forgot I had a choice, I let you push me past the breaking point, I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything. (Wish I could write all the lyrics, but fuck it, all the song, just listen to Katy Perry – Roar)

It is weird. I feel so light.

You definitely taught me a lesson though. So thank you for that.

No longer under your control….

~ Smurf

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Artist; The All-American Rejects
Song; Gives You Hell
Reason; The song says it all. ‘Truth be told I miss you. Truth be told, I’m lying’

Just Keep Breathing

You reminded me to keep breathing. Even when life seemed hard.

When we first met, I never thought you would make me feel like this, I honestly thought we would just be friends, then we started playing games together. You made me laugh, and forget my bad day. You always understood me, you even gave me the time of day and when it felt like the world turned it’s back on me, you made sure I knew you didn’t. Even when all I was doing was bitching, you listened, and somewhere along the lines, I started to have feelings for you.
I never wanted to tell you due to circumstances, the fact I come with baggage, I didn’t want it all dumped on you. As time went on, I started to feel more for you, but in attempt to get rid of my feelings, I started to flirt with someone else. I honestly thought you had no interest in me, not in the same way I did you, at least. It didn’t work. Although you knew I was doing this you did not mention what you felt for me, even though I heard the hint of jealousy in your voice.

As time went on more, we got closer. Then I came to yours, something happened, I don’t, mean sexually, I mean emotionally; I was determined not to love you. The harder I fought against it, the more my heart wanted to fall. The way you hugged me, I loved. When you hugged me from behind, it was like I felt love again. When I was with my last love, he made me feel amazing, but you make it feel like all the ones before where fake. You make me feel like they where all the practice run, and you are the real thing.
When we kissed at the station, I felt we where the only two people there, I hope you felt the same as me; felt alone in a crowded room, while I was there with you.

When we sit on Skype, I cannot help but look at you, and when I see you look at me, I can see all that love in your eyes, I do not think anyone has ever looked at me the way you do. Although others could have, but I either never noticed, or didn’t feel the same way back to see it. I know that is a little contradictory, but I don’t care, all that matters to me is you, and my little girl.

In between everything the last few months, something happened. Something I really didn’t expect.

I fell in love.

If I could have one wish right now, I would get the complications out of my life. So everything would be easier for us.

Us

Funny isn’t it? I don’t think either of us expected this to happen ♡

~Smurf ❤

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Artist – We The Kings
Song – Just Keep Breathing
Reason;
To be honest, listen to the song, it explains itself.