For my second letter, I thought I would write to you again. In my last letter to you I wrote all about how we met and our firsts. This is going to start with the new year. After Christmas is when our relationship started to go down hill, I think what didn’t help is I had to move out. I don’t think the either of us really wanted to go into that. To be honest, at first it made our relationship stronger, we didn’t see each other all the time, so we had more to talk about, but 6 months down the line is when it started.
Our nights turned. It went from watching the same movie 4 times a night because we where a little preoccupied, to watching it twice if we where lucky to even become preoccupied once. We went from spending hours on the Xbox giggling and playing games together, to me sitting on the laptop and you doing your own thing. We just drifted apart, and the more we drifted, the more we rowed.
Every time we rowed I forgave you, all I thought about was how I love you. All the things that made me fall in love with you helped me forgive you. Just seeing you made every problem, big or small, go away as if it never happened. As time passed our relationship just got worse, I stayed in denial for quite some time, as I am sure you where too. I don’t want to bring up our arguments, but eventually I had enough. We both where unhappy, even you cannot deny that.
Thing is, every time I saw you, I, melted. I felt like a teenager about to hang out with her crush. Now when I see you, I feel like I have to be drunk to even look at you without the weight of guilt that falls on top of me. Every time I look at you, I have to remember; I was the one who walked away. Every song I listen to, it is about the heart break they felt when their ex walked away, it is like a playlist invented to make me not forget.
The Monday before I left, I spoke to a mutual friend, I felt like you where distant, and you didn’t want me anymore because you where upset. So said friend suggested I didn’t contact you, that way I will know what to do, as days went, and no contact, it felt like my heart broke peice by peice. So that Wednesday I had decided, it was time. I borrowed money to get the bus, came to yours that Thursday, packed my stuff and left. It may sound simple, it may sound nasty, but my heart never recovered from that day. Though your probably right, I deserve it, but I am human too believe it or not. I cried for weeks. As you know, 5 days after I broke up with you was my birthday, I held it together for the day, but all I wanted to do was cry. I felt so empty. I really wanted to call you, but I just couldn’t, but it isn’t like you called me and tried to talk is it?
So I must have been right.
This blog was supposed to make me feel better and help, but I just realised, I hope I am wrong, but, I think I was right.
– If you really wanted to stay with me.
– If you really loved me.
– If what I was told was true and you wanted to propose on my birthday.
You would have tried everything to get me back, or even just talk to me, but you didn’t. Like I said to you baby, forever never lasts. I said always to you, and I ment it, always, all ways. Now. I’m heels over head. And;
I used to be love drunk.
But now I’m hung over.
Love is forever.
Forever is over.
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Artist – Boys Like Girls
Song – Love Drunk
Reason;
This is my way of using your words against you. I still remember the status, when “Heels Over Head” describes it all better. These letters are helping me get over the past, so maybe I will not fully love you ever again when this is all finished, but hell, I feel hung over.
smurfbean 